I miss writing„,
Sa hindi inaaasahang
Pagtatagpo ng mga mundo
May minsan lang na nagdugtong,
Damang dama na ang ugong nito.
Di pa ba sapat ang sakit at lahat
Na hinding hindi ko ipararanas saýo
Ibinubunyag ka ng iyong mata
Sumisigaw ng pag-sinta.
Bakit di papatulan
Ang pagsuyong nagkulang
Tayong umaasang
Hilaga’t kanluran
Ikaw ang hantungan
At bilang kanlungan mo
Ako ang sasagip saýo.
Saan nga ba patungo,
Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan na
Ang bagyo ng tadhana ay
Dinadala ako sa init ng bisig mo
Bakit di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin
Ipauubaya na lang ba ‘to sa hangin
‘Wag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako’t nakikinig saýo
Whoo..oohh… ho..ooohh…
Whoo..oohh… ho..ooohh…
Whoo..oohh… ho..ooohh…
Whoo.. ohhh….
Hello there tumblr! It’s been a while huh? Yeah, I’ve been busy. But its not the usual things anymore and maybe that’s why I’m urging to write. I just need to write what I’ve been through these past weeks and let everything out. Hoping this would clear up my mind.
I don’t know if this is the “boy meets girl” kind of story, but here it goes…
The 2nd semester started and everything felt like the same old, same old days. Well, at least that’s what I thought. As the days passed by, I started noticing that there’s some tension in his stares. His friends would tease him with me and I immediately realized “oh here I go again; It’ll start with the teases, then the attempt, then the rejection, then the awkward phase”, I’m used to that cycle. And then I remembered that I’ve already been through that with him last semester. So I told myself “ahh, he just wanna be friends. Do you think he’d be willing to try again just to be with you? ganda mo teh!”.
It was the last week of November when he tried to catch up with me. We started texting and I felt surprisingly comfortable. Since then, he didn’t miss a day without sending me a text. For me, there was nothing between the line but our classmates assumed there was “something”. It was hard to talk to him in class. A simple ” hi and hello” can turn the room into an arena. And I hated that, so I avoided him in school. A week before our Christmas party, he started to ask what are the things I like. I wanted to think that he was my secret santa, but I had that gut feeling he wasn’t. A day before the party he texted “Your gift is ready, I hope you’ll like this”. I was confused. gaaah. I didn’t know what to think or assume. During the party, people started giving me hints. They were acting weird, giving me unusual smiles. Before the games started, there was an acoustic number by him with my two other clasmates. Before they started, the intro said that the song they’ll play “When you say nothing at all” would be dedicated to his special someone. Everyone assumed it was for me. They teased. As he sang the first line “It’s amazing how you can speak right through my heart…”, everyone went crazy. I didn’t know how to react, but honestly, deep inside I was giddy and happy. We resumed with the games and the gifts. He wasn’t my secret santa after all, like that gave me ease. I was nervous that he’d pop up anytime with the gift. But I didn’t want to expect so I erased that on my mind. After which, my friends and I stayed in the corner checking out what we received then suddenly I heard my classmates rant, I turned my back then there he was, standing and holding the gift. I was still surprised even though I kinda knew it would happen or I kinda want it to happen. I was giddy. I never felt that kind of happiness. Then I acted strange. Before I went home, he talked to me. He was hoping that the gift wouldn’t be a reason for me to push him away. I realized that maybe I should let my guard down a little, then I said I’m sorry that I’ve been avoiding him and that he shouldn’t worry about that.
During the Holiday break, he didn’t stop texting me, he even tried to call. Then he confessed that he’s actually courting me. I told him that I don’t want him to hope that there could be something to look forward to in our situation because no matter what I feel, there would still be the possibility that I’ll consider what my family has been expecting for me. I didn’t know what I did that let him stay. He said he loves me. I appreciated it.
When the class resumed, It became more awkward in school, considering my friends and his friends know what’s been really going on. One night he called, I didn’t know why I answered. Our conversation lasted for almost four hours. Almost every night since then he calls. I got to know him better. He’s been the sweetest. Giving me surprises during random moments. I like him. And every day, I feel like falling for him. There was an instance when we decided to let each other go because things are getting complicated, but I guess we were already too attached that we pulled each other.
Everytime complications pop up, I thought of just letting him go but I can’t. Its getting complicated everyday, but seeing him not failing to make me feel loved, all of the worries fade away. As cheesy as that may sound, it’s true. For everytime I feel like falling deeper, I also fear more of the fact that I could lose him. Why? I also wonder why. Love? still in denial, maybe…
*sighs
will write again soon…
(P.S. to all my friends here; what I post on tumblr, stays on tumblr ;) )
If you feel like commenting on this post, don’t hesitate to leave me a message.
“this has to stop. but i don’t know what this is. I think it’s kicking in. I feel the adrenaline. now, I know how it feels. but it has to stop because I’m scared that this is not what I thought it is.”
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Confirmation message from Smart
Confirmation message from Globe
Odba, ang liit lang ng shinare kong amount pero it’s from the heart naman. Hope you guys could do the same.
Share your blessings!
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Pumped up Kicks by Foster the People
3 reasons why I like this song:
1. I love the beat, the way it compliments the vocal harmonies. Its quirky yet cool.
2. The message. By just listening to the beat you’ll be carried away to it’s cheery light vibe. You wouldn’t imagine that the song is really about this abused teen going for a revenge. Seriously.
3. I love cubbie! =))))))))))
